The 2018-19 Pre-Season Men’s Rankings Are Out

It’s a sound that can only be described as a dull “THUD”…  the new Men’s Paddle League rankings are out and none are happy about their positioning.. well, except for no.1 ranked TCC member Andrew Bayliss — but since when has anyone cared what Andrew thinks?

In the mystical realm that is the pre-season rankings, like Paddle Illuminati, no one is quite certain who’s behind the selections, or the means by which their evaluations are weighted (talent, improvement, actual tournament play, suckatude, et al), yet one thing is clear, everyone in the club believes that they are better than someone above them.

Even no.84 last ranked Pat Jost, “I haven’t even played yet, but right away, I’m worse than a guy named Brogan? That doesn’t seem fair.”

Back 40 guys can’t escape the controversy, including court narration specialist Steve Klafke, “I actually moved up one place… but being four spots behind Garni is completely unacceptable.”

The Frenchman, Nicholas Bruneau (no.44) seemed content to be placed in exactly the same spot until he found out that he would most likely be playing with or against Randy Hopper and Bobby Sheehy all season long, “Putain, j’en ai rai le cul!”

Those who missed out on a Top 20 listing were even more frustrated with the selection committee.

It’s rumored that Tom Lehmann was so mad that he broke three Viking paddles across his ass in response to his no.30 ranking.

Milwaukee Bucks owner Dan Einhorn scoffed, “I work my ass off to get to number 19 at the end of last season, and now I’m #23?”

Further, TCC Website Guru Mike Farley chimed in, “I’m ranked lower than Einhorn, how do you think I feel?  I even cleaned the shed, mice and all.  What does it get me?  Less than nothing, that’s what!”

And, not to be outdone, Russ Mull and Mike Lynch, last season’s no.6 and 7 (now nos. 8 and 9) were flabbergasted, “How do you drop two spots with all the same guys in the Top 10?  It’s not like we’re Beany-old!”

There is, of course, only one cure for the plight of so many, simply win your league matches and you’ll move up.