New Club Rankings Are Out!

“RAIN? WHAT RAIN?”

The Cedar Club’s Men’s League was saved last night from losing its status as a “MENS LEAGUE” by the only four members dumb enough, er, brave enough, er… drunk enough to endure close to a full match in the rain.

Led by and authorized by The Cedar Club’s own President, Martin Vertacnik, joined by his playing partner Mike Farley vs. a newly rehabilitated Steve Mandela and the TCC’s Most Popular Player, Steve “Squirrel” Mayer, in a match for the ages.

Although the final set score remained tied at 1 set each (7-6, 4-6), when entering the scores, these, the ONLY FOUR MEMBERS to show up for a match the entire night (corr… Sattler, Doc, DeFauw & Talb showed up & played their 8:40 match), were met with an unexpected surprise…

It seems that built in the S.H.I.T. System was a reward of an extra 4,000 points each in their match, while taking away 4,000 points from those ranked higher than 30 who missed their match due to “misty” conditions.

Apparently the inventor of S.H.I.T., Brad Schmieding, didn’t even know about this exception to live-scoring, “I don’t know anything about it… I’m fearful that Skynet has taken over the club.”

The match, guided by Squirrel’s Rain Rules, which clearly states:
SHOULD A MATCH BE PLAYED IN THE RAIN, THE SERVER MUST HIT A SOFT SERVE AND THE RETURN MUST BE A LOB. AFTER THAT, THE POINT CAN PLAY OUT NORMALLY, EXCEPT IN THE CASE OF A HARD SMASH THAT SKIDS DIRECTLY AT YOUR OPPONENT, FROM WHICH YOU MAY KEEP THE POINT FOR YOUR TEAM, BUT YOU MUST OFFER A HEARTFELT “I’M SORRY”.

If you’re wondering why Squirel is now a top the leaderboard when he had so precipitously fallen to the rank of #50, it’s because the S.H.I.T. System added in an additional 500 points since his solo cup was filled with whiskey.  The others were only drinking beer… well, Farley was docked 100 points because he was teetotaling water.

Rain Rules… who knew, right?

The morale of the story is, show up, have fun dammit and the accolades are all yours!

Said Mayer, learning of his new found #1 Club status, “First of all, I’d like to thank the Academy…”