Accusations fly as probe is called from members.
When the Vodka Alliance first took shape just two years ago, no one could have predicted that it would come to name calling, allegations of foreign corruption, bullying and in-fighting amongst its members.
Robert Mueller, currently head of the Special Counsel investigation of Russian interference in the 2016 United States elections, has found very little evidence as of yet, involving the Trump administration in Russian collusion, but he appears to be close to finding bombshell evidence of corruption within the Vodka Alliance (VA).
VA Grand Commissar Mark Mentzer discovered just last night that vodka and mixers were apallilngly missing from the TCC bar. That replenished supplies were not in transit and that there was evidence that past product had been tampered with.
“What the hell is going on here? We have a schedule.”
Initially, Accountant Scott Moelpske accused business magnate Tom Gelin in the failure, but the investigation uncovered that Gelin had actually mistakenly provided VA supplies a full month prior, thus unexpectedly ensnaring diminutive gym teacher, Brian Mackinster (code named “Bmak”) into the probe for his lack of participation in the week of February 5th of this year.
TCC social member, and some time paddle reserve player extraordinaire Eric McNally — known to be a supporter of the Mueller Investigation — was quick to offer support of Mentzer’s findings with a Scooby Doo reference, “Bmak would have gotten away with it, were it not for those meddling kids.”
Makinster was called into questioning and offered a defense that his health (a double cough inducing hernia) had prevented him from providing VA supplies — and the fact that he had rescinder his membership in the Vodka Alliance this past year as evidence for his non-compliance. He inferred that he was being bullied into providing vodka and mixers against his will.
General Contractor and strongman, Mike Lalonde, whose name had surfaced in an earlier VA debacle, is suspiciously on a plane flight to Denver, CO after being referred to Mr. McNally for “sorely disappointing” VA members in December of 2017. Lalonde quickly diverted attention from himself in the matter by calling for this very investigation. In a diverted email transmission, it was learned that Lalonde admitted to having on his person, vodka and olives, stating, “I’ve got mine!!! Heading to Denver…. all work.” (see image)
Lalonde issued a threatening Peter, Paul & Mary lyrical response to Mr. Mackinster, “Leaving on a jet plane, don’t know when I’ll be back again….. but when I get back, there better be vodka for all.”
Grand Commissar Mentzer has issued no relief to Mr. Makinster stating, “Bmak, we don’t need any martyrs around here, if you didn’t want to be in the club, and you don’t drink the vodka, we’ll take care of it…has anyone else been bullied into participation in this club and unfairly persecuted?” But then, implicating his own collusion with Mr. Lalonde stating, “Also, Vodka is Russian, isn’t it, LaLonde…..? Something smells a little fishy around here…and by that I mean porn-star fishy.”
Lalonde cryptically responded, “Funny, and yes, very fishy, I think she saved the G-string he bit off of her.”
It would appear that indictments are imminent.