It would appear that during Christmas week, one in which no league play commences, yet holiday play is most assuredly ON, a few innocent souls attempted to book court time that they otherwise should not have.

Unclear on this?  Follow along….

First, from the President:

All, we went through this last year.  On Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, during league time (6-10PM),you are not allowed to reserve court time for an individual match.  This is Open Paddle for any member.

For tonight, GNW will need to remove their reservation, Duke on Wednesday and the Johnson family Holiday party for Thursday.  This doesn’t mean you can’t start earlier with your group and take a chance on a low turnout.  However, the Johnson’s will have to re-schedule.  I have already heard that there will be many folks for sure on Wednesday and Thursday.

— Thanks, The Board

Then, a dreaded “reply all” from one of the innocent:

Would it be possible to update the Yahoo calendar that this is open paddle? It’s only my second year in the league and personally didn’t know this and would love to come hit around since a couple of us were actually trying to organize a foursome. This may help avoid confusion for those thinking matches/events are open to plan at those times.

Jack A. Kampf, PharmD, MPH, BCPS

And then, the obligatory smackdown, a hallmark of the Cedar Club:

Jack, my friend… Of course that’s possible. In fact, you yourself could do that. And while I greatly miss the reply all bombardments of years past, the real issue here is your misuse of the reply all with what is essentially a rhetorical question sent to 105 but meant for 5.  Allow me to demonstrate the proper technique of burying your point in an otherwise innocuous and friendly email. 

First off Wednesday and Thursday nights before Christmas are a blast, hope to see many of you out there!   

Beware, however….

  1. Holiday nights at the club hit a bit differently. The nights seem to last longer and drinks flow a bit quicker.  Proceed with caution.
  2. There’s no ladder to save you.  Get on the wrong court and you might spend Christmas in a sling.  Looking at you Tony.
  3. The moment you enter, Duke will shove a “Tom and Jerry” down your gullet while screaming “IT TASTES LIKE CHRISTMAS!”  No means no, Duke.  Even at the cedar club.
  4. just want to point out that the “Johnson” who attempted this holiday club insurrection is not MJ, rather some lady. Take it out on him anyways if you like.
  5. down with the blog and ON with the email chains
  6. Farley, be sure to copy and paste this to the blogsite so we can ask permission to comment and then read the comments when they get approved in two days.
  7. if you don’t like email chains, at the very least, respect my use of BCC here.
  8. dear leadership, you can just put “open paddle” on the calendar to prevent this. Like, for the next decade. Or just ask Schmeeds to do it, he does everything else.

 — In the bonds… David R. Brock, BSMA, MS AG ECON, MBA, FTBS, AH, PTSD, AA

Which, lastly, is followed up by the TCC Blog Administrator to post the entire thing online, then make wise cracks about the whole affair:

Brock is dead on in all respects, even the clairvoyance that his words would be tranferred to a blog… and yet, is sadly unaware of the danger allowing online commentary to NOT go through the admin’s filter would surely mean the propagation of a myriad of unwated sales pitches for knock-off Prada purses and Russian sex toys in Cyrillic.

— Mike Farley, TCC Web Czar, …and a whole bunch of acronyms so important that I cannot possible list them all here.