In what can only be described as “highly suspicious”, Cedar Club Platform Tennis President Dale Borowiak stated that the Men’s League start date will be pushed back a full week.  This comes on the heels of Open Paddle delays for deck cleaning and painting.

A full scale FBI investigation had been called by many, including media moguls Randy Hopper and Bob O’Neil… “We just want the truth to come out.”

“There’s really nothing fishy about it,” rebutted Borowiak, “we just needed more time to ensure that the calendars were set.”

To add to the tenseness of the situation, the highly awaited 2018 Fall player rankings have yet to come out, and it’s anyone’s guess where they will be ranked.   TCC rankings are always controversial, more so after last year’s apparent strong-arming by Steve “Squirrel” Mayer to be placed specifically in the 11th position,

“There’s little truth to that rumor,” Mayer explained, “I just figured Curt’s system (the Lundeen 3000) placed me perfectly.”

More rumors are spreading that the Lundeen 3000 is being scrapped for new Schmieding Highly Intuitive Technology. This S.H.I.T. system is neither tested, nor confirmed to be in use at this time.

The President finished his testimony stating, “Please use next week to get out for open paddle.  For those of you new to the game, I suggest you get with your recruiter and play next week, or on Saturday.”

Your “recruiter”?  Russians, anyone?  Stay tuned.